absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
