one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
