i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
