Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
