Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
