Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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