I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
