totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think my moral compass just broke
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
