This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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