moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
