I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
