I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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