So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
