his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
