Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
