I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
