i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
