last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
sex in a hospital.. check
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
