just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
