In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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