I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
