she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
