All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
