just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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