But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
