i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
