I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
