I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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