And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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