dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
