And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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