So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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