I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
