She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
