yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i think my cat just said my name.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
