from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
