I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
