I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
