Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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