wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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