You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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