He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
