omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
