next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
