my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
