i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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