i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
