I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
