You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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