Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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