i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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