I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
