I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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