of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
