i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
